50 Funny Coffee Jokes That’ll Make Your Day

Coffeenatics take their caffeine fix seriously. From choosing their coffee beans to preparing their coffee with exactness and finesse, coffee is more than just a drink for many. Some are a fan of black coffee, while some can’t seem to get enough of the creamy and frothy cappuccino. But, whatever their coffee preference may be, that does not necessarily mean that they don’t enjoy a good cup of joe with a side of humor.

Here are 50 funny coffee jokes that will make your day brighter:

1. How did the hipster burn their mouth? They drank their coffee before it was cool.
2. Barista: How do you take your coffee? Me: Very, very seriously.
3. If you sit down to enjoy a hot cup of coffee, your boss will ask you to do something that lasts until the coffee is cold. 
4. What’s the opposite of coffee? Sneezy.
5. Why did the barista get fired? They kept showing up to work in a tea-shirt.
6. Sleep is a weak substitute for coffee.
7. What do you call sad coffee? Despresso.

8. What’s a coffee’s favorite spell? Espresso Patronum!
9. What’s a barista’s favorite exercise? The French press.
10. Q: What’s the best Beatles song? A: Latte Be!
11. I was drinking coffee in my snow boots this morning when I thought to myself, “I need to get a mug.”
12. Q: Why do they call coffee mud? A: Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
13. Spouse #1: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt. Spouse #2: That’s not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.
14. How is divorce like an Espresso? – It’s expensive and bitter.

15. What’s a barista’s favorite programming language? Java.
16. Q: How are coffee beans like kids? A: They’re always getting grounded!
17. How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
18. What do gossiping pots do? Spill the beans.
19. What kind of sugar does Lady Gaga use in her coffee? Raw raw raw raw raw.
20. Q: Why are Italians so good at making coffee? A: Because they know how to espresso themselves.
21. What did the coffee lover name her son? Joe, obviously.
22. What do you call a cow who’s just given birth? – De-calf-inated.
23. What did the coffee addict say to his doctor? I don’t have a problem with coffee; I have a problem without it!

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24. Q: Where do birds go for coffee? A: To the NESTcafe
25. What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion? I asked for coffee.
26. What do you call it when a coffee joke is so funny that it causes an uproar? A brew-haha.
27. A man went to his psychiatrist and said, “Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye,” The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
28. What does a coffee lover say when they’re hitting on you? I’ve been thinking about you a latte.
29. Why did the kangaroo stop drinking his cup of coffee? It made him too jumpy.

30. Someone stole my coffee cup, so I’m heading down to the police station to look over some mugshots.
31. Q: What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee? A: “What’s Sumatra with you?”
32. What do you call it when you walk into a cafe you’re sure you’ve been to before? Déjà brew.
33. What did the coffee say to their date? Hey there, hot stuff!
34. What did the two coffee enthusiasts say when they got married? We’re meant to bean together!
35. Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people? It can be a strong, heated debate.
36. A tall blonde walks into Starbucks. The barista says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The blonde says, “You have a drink named Tiffani?”

37. What’s the technical name for a pot of coffee at work? Break fluid.
38. Thanks a latte for me being my friend.
39. What does specialty coffee have in common with Eric Clapton? Both are good without cream.
40. Q: Why should you be wary of 5-cent espresso? A: It’s a cheap shot.
41. He asks the barista, “How much for a cup of coffee?” The barista points to the menu and says, “Five dollars for a cup of coffee and refills are free.” The customer responds, “Thanks. I’ll have a refill.”
42. New word: Procaffeinating (n). – the tendency to not start anything until you’ve had your coffee.

43. A factory worker died today after falling into a vat of coffee. Police say that although it came as a shock to all who knew him, they may take some relief from the fact he didn’t suffer. It was instant.
44. She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
45. A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee.

46. Every morning, I see this exhausted woman who looks like she would murder someone for a cup of coffee. I really should move that mirror.
47. I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
48. Q: Why did the espresso keep checking his watch? A: Because he was pressed for time.
49. What do you call the first level of a coffee factory? The ground floor.
50. Why did it take the bean so long to do its homework? Because it was procaffeinating.

“Laughter and coffee share a chemical bond,” says a humorologist. “When you smile or laugh, your brain releases endorphins—much like a perfectly balanced espresso shot releases rich aromatics.”

Insight: Coffee Jokes

You may have a different sense of humor compared to other people, but there will surely be some coffee jokes that can crack you up. If not, why not create your own coffee jokes? A good joke can make even the grumpiest of coffee lovers smile. So get creative and start brewing up some comedy gold!